Desperation, Thy Name is Blogger

Lord above…So this is what it has come to, I have resorted to the lowest of lows. I have attempted to clench onto any Craigslist ad, Indeed posting, and Monster job posting I could find. I have sent out my resume to well over 500 postings, with only 3 replies. The first reply was to say they got my resume and not to email them anymore, the second people (or machines whatever they were) emailed me literally right after I sent them my resume saying you are not what we are looking for making me shed a little tear, while the third was some Nigerian King type scam, that I was so desperate to get out of the bank that I almost gave them the benefit of the doubt. But it truly upsets me because my resume is top notch. I made sure its top notch. I fabricated the resume to give me much more experience in writing than I actually have, do not worry, I was somewhat honest, I included the three years retail experience I do have, well it is two and half. But what do they expect when they judge me by a piece of paper. All the hard work, sweat, and hair loss that has gone into my hours of work for the bank cannot be translated to a piece of paper listing my experience, unless I taped one of the many hairs on my head that keeps falling out to the resume and say, “I did this for the bank, I am willing to do this for you too!” I am not afraid to be a sell out. And that is how desperate I have now become. I, despite my highest values and moral beliefs, have created a blog. Do I expect this to be anything more than a mere online diary with the random visitor from the cold depths of Russia who mistyped some child porn website and got my unfortunate blog? Of course not. But, I have realized in life, the true mark of success is if whatever you do, be it a banker, a writer, a cop, a soldier, a fireman, whatever it is, if it gets you laid, that is real success, and let us hope that I become a successful blogger. God, I feel so gay calling myself a blogger. This will be the first and last time I ever call myself a “blogger.” God, I did it again didn’t I?

Let me trace back my history of desperation, when I was a wee little lad growing up, I was asked, “Nero, what do you want to be when you grow up?” That question absolutely floored me. It made me more nervous then girls (at the time) did. I knew I had to answer then and there and stick to it the rest of my life. So uttering between my buck teeth and my pre-pubescent high pitched 5 year old voice I replied, “how the hell am I supposed to know?!” At that point I decided I am never going to grow up. That did not work out too well. I end up getting older, lose my virginity in the back of my car, all that jazz, and when I got to my junior year of high school I get told, go to college. I never disobeyed my parents (at that age, the good God fearing, Christian boy I was). They claimed, “you will never be able to find a job without a degree.” Well okay then, I’ve spent most of my life glued to a desk paying attention to some old woman lecturing me about God knows what because I was too busy drawing peni (for those who do not know, peni is the plural of penis) on the desk, which continued well through college, even while working at the bank, so I figured I can do four more years of drawing well chiseled peni on desks. So I get to college and after the first two years of drawing peni and getting called an anti-feminist, college, aka the man, has the audacity to say, now you have to choose a major. I had no idea what I wanted to do, the man’s best advice, choose a major you would like. What in Yahweh’s name does that mean? Nursing, engineering, political science, does anyone really like those? If you tell yourself yes, you are a fool and a liar destined for the pits of Hell. Well, I was one of those fools, I picked English as a major because I thought I liked writing and reading. Yea, stupid idea Nero, stupid idea. Fast-forwarding through several hundred peni on desks, I graduate college. Well I learned, amongst tons of other things, i.e. religious beliefs, political beliefs, et al, my parents were wrong, I cannot get a job, even with a degree. And now here I am, I cannot find a job so I create a blog. Pathetic…

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